My reverse fundraising campaign for the Boston Marathon.

Over 10 years ago I spent a season as the running coaching for a Team in Training team. It was a great experience. I met a bunch of great individuals, many of those people accomplished their goal of running a 1/2 or full marathon and they raised money for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Team in Training was the first highly scaled and successful fundraising program, which used endurance events as their tool.

Today, I’m excited to see the progress that the team at Moolathon is doing in that space.

When I decided to run the Boston Marathon in 2020, I knew I wanted to use it for something personally rewarding beyond my own running goals.

However I have a personal appreciation to start a fundraising campaign as social media is overwhelmed with different ways individuals are trying to raise money. Facebook has made every birthday a fundraising event.

This is when I decided do a reverse fundraising campaign.

What is a reverse fundraising campaign?

  • It is something I think I just made up?
  • Instead of soliciting donations, I am going ask for suggestions on who I should donate to.
  • Who will I give my money to?
    • I do not have any limitations right now. I will give to an organization that you suggest. I will give it directly to someone that has a need and could use the money. I will give it to you, if it makes sense.
  • What are the requirements?
    • We will need to be connected via a social media platform so we can communicate privately: Instagram, Facebook, Twitter
    • You will need to share a campaign link so I can make a donation  or you will need to have a cashapp account so I can send the funds directly.

What am I giving away?

  • Every Friday between now and the marathon (4/20/20), I will give $26.20


  • As noted, I wanted the Boston Marathon to be more than about my personal running goals.
  • I have been inspired by watching Bill Pulte use twitter to spread love and money.
  • Money is one of those things I have associated a scarcity mentality to. At times, I do ok, other times it becomes a major barrier for me. In 2019, I had a goal to monthly give money to two organizations, I did occasionally but not consistently. The growing desire to hoard and take is a current problem. As a small business entrepreneur, I’m often waiting for the next phase of stagnant growth or no revenue (or worse). It’s just how I am hard wired. Doing this is one way to change my own mindset and behavior. I realize that $26.20 is not going to change things, but hopefully it helps someone with their campaign, goes toward a pair of shoes for someone to exercise in, a healthy bag of fruit from the grocery or even a race entry for a local 5k? I will paraphrase Bill Pulte from his twitter account, I am simply one person, but together we can change everything.



God and I had a talk about being rich on Hanson’s Point.

Last weekend my friend Tyson and I made our way to the Red River Gorge for our first camping trip of the year. I shared a little piece of that story last week in my post about Randomness. The trip was excellent, which has motivated us to spend the week thinking about how to get more camping and hiking in this year.

There was one experience I had that stands out above all the others. I shared that moment on Instagram. I was sitting on Hanson’s point taking in the view. In the moment, I was inspired to get out my Crossroads app and read the daily scripture.

For the majory of life, turning to God and scripture was a place of refuge when thinking through difficult decisions. That changed fairly significantly when I was around 33 years old. Maybe some day I will better understand that change and be comfortable writing about why it happened. At the moment, I have not been able to fully process it.

Despite this fact, I made the decision last fall to attend Crossroads. I started attending with a mindset in search of answers. I have sought guidance from various philosophers, psychologists, neuroscientists, buddhist teachings and self-help books. The realization was that I also wanted to find others who were willing to be open minded and in the process of seeking answers to life’s bigger questions. Crossroads has offered a non-judgmental place to do this.

That is a long story to explain why I had the Crossroads app on my phone. The view from Hanson’s point inspired me to read the scripture of the day. The reading was Proverbs 13.

The words that really stood out to me were from verses 7 and 8.

“One person pretends to be rich, yet has nothing;
another pretends to be poor, yet has great wealth.

8 A person’s riches may ransom their life,
but the poor cannot respond to threatening rebukes.”

This message really grinds at my soul in a couple different ways. If you have read my writings over the past couple years, it may not be surprising that it relates to work and dating.

In the startup world, there is a somewhat unhealty relationship with “funds raised”. While I am not exposed to a lot of startup communities around the US, I have a fairly high exposure to the one in Lexington, Kentucky.

The topic of how to start a business and raising money was also a topic that Thomas and I aligned on in our early days, which ultimately made me comfortable partnering with him.

The position that we have taken is that raising money should be done in very specific situations. The act of ‘closing a round’ should not been seen as a successful outcome itself, but rather a tool that is being used to move forward towards a more admirable goal.

I think Gary Vee said it best when he shared a lesson from his dad that said, ‘When you borrow money, it’s the worst day of your life’.

When I see people celebrating raising funds, I am now going to think about Proverbs 13:7. Celebrating this event, in my mind, is a sign of someone who has nothing, yet pretends to be rich. This may not always be the case, as there are legitimate times for raising capital. However, I rarely have conversations with founders in that position.

In terms of dating, I will simply acknowledge that the desire to put out a perception of having more wealth than exists is incredibly high. The ease to access capital for consumer purchases is a little unnerving for me at times. This access has been tempting in several situations the past two years, as I’ve worked to become ‘fully free’.

My personal definition of being free is:

  • zero financial obligations to anyone else
  • ability to work on projects that I’m excited to work on (always thinking about impact and legacy)
  • have control over my time (no requirements of a 9 to 5)

I believe I am 80% of the way to this goal. I am still working to get to where I can be very choosy on the projects I decide to work on. I know deep in my gut, that if I succumbed to the desires to access cheap money and “pretend to be rich”, I’d push this progress down to nearly zero.

As verse 8 says:

“A person’s riches may ransom their life”.

My current interpretation of the verse is that if riches is what you value, then there are many things in life you say you value, but will end up forfeiting in favor of those “riches”. I am probably taking that verse completely out of context?

This is where the lyrics from the song Suit and Jacket from Judah and the Lion comes in:

“Cause everybody I know, everybody I know Is growing old,
is growing old too quickly
And I don’t wanna go
So how am I supposed to slow it down so I can figure out who I am?
And I ain’t trading my dreams for no 401k
And I ain’t giving this fire for a cold, cold heart
So don’t say I’m getting colder
Cause I’ll say it when I do”

As I turn 40 this year, I have spent a lot of time thinking about the expectations I have had for my life. I expect a lot out of myself. When I moved to Kentucky, at 23 years old, I had ideas of what 30, 35 and 40 would look like.

The two lines from the song that I hear myself thinking about daily are:

“So how am I supposed to slow it down so I can figure out who I am?
And I ain’t trading my dreams for no 401k “

If my definition of having freedom is having the ability to pursue projects and work that I want to be a part of my legacy and that creates impact, then I can look back on the past 17 years with a great sense of accomplishment. I have been fortunate to have had different opportunities to direct energy into my personal mission statements. This has been true in different settings with various co-workers, multiple business partners and individually.

However, it comes at the “expesnse” of not having 401ks, pensions, guaranteed paychecks or at times health insurance. The instability of this lifestyle is one that any entreprenuer understands, but many people find undesirable or even foolish.

The ending:

There is no doubt I spend my days chasing “success”. That success is in terms of personal impact, but also financial gain.

The world in which we live makes money a clear way of keeping score, making it difficult to not be tied to it in some way.

This entire post can be distilled down into this question, which I ask myself some version of often:

“How can I be successful and create impact, all the while remain free from getting caught up in easy attempts at appearing ‘rich’?”

When I cross check that desire with the expectations I had for myself, I get discouraged.

A friend told me this week,

“If you are going to trust God for the process, then you also have to trust him on the outcome.”

To be completely real, I am not at a place I trust God with the process. I am definitely not ready to trust him for the outcomes.

What I do know is that we started a conversation on Hanson’ Point last Saturday. He apparently had a lot to say. At the moment, I am trying to be a good listener. We will see where things go from here.

Having a vision for the future: What is your stretch goal?

When I work with individuals, we always start with the small habits that can be easily implemented. I was not an easy convert to this process when I first learned of starting with a “tiny habit” through BJ Fogg’s research. In my mind, it seemed like the tiny habit would be too small and uninspired to keep someone motivated. One of the standard examples used when describing the tiny habit process, is that a person should develop the habit of flossing by flossing just one tooth. That practice will then develop into a habit where you are flossing all your teeth daily. The skepticism I had was that a person would often choose to not practice the simple habit, such as flossing the single tooth, because it alone has no value.

The research continues to show that starting small is the best way to develop new and healthy behaviors. I have enough experience at this point that I am convinced that if you truly desire to have long lasting change, this is the approach you should take. This is the entire reason for the instructions in the article, “Knowing is not doing”.

This fact does not mean that there is no value in understanding what the final outcome looks like. This end goal is defined differently in different situations. In the book, “Smarter, Faster, Better” by Charles Duhigg, he calls it your stretch goal. When I talk to individuals, I like to use the term ‘vision’. I like using that term because it gives me a feeling of inspiration. This is also the outcome that many people have in mind when they start a new program to become happier and healthier.

One lesson I took away from Duhigg’s book is that when you set your stretch goal, you should define something that seems a little unrealistic today. This advice is a little nuanced because there is a fine line between something that is unrealistic today and something that is completely impossible. The reward that comes with setting stretch goals that feel slightly out of reach, is that when you successfully implement the daily habits and practices, they will gradually make what once seemed unrealistic a very real possibility.

Here are some examples of stretch goals related to being happier and healthier, along with one daily habit that could be the first step to making the vision come true:

Stretch goal:  To be 50 pounds lighter.
Daily habit: Put on walking shoes and walk around the block.

Stretch goal: To manage work stress better.
Daily habit: Set a pomodoro timer and walk for 1 minute each cycle.

Stretch goal: To run a 5k with family at Thanksgiving.
Daily habit: Put on running clothes, run to end of block.

Stretch goal: To get out of chair without knee pain or support.
Daily habit: Set alarm on phone, do 5 body squats to comfortable depth each time it goes off.

Stretch goal: To have less frustration and more positive mindset.
Daily habit: Set alarm for 3pm each day, when alarm goes off acknowledge 1 thing you are grateful for that day.

When you are working hard to develop a new lifestyle, it is important to be committed to the daily process. However, to remain inspired and achieve outcomes that seem unrealistic today, it is valuable to have a vision for what the future looks like.

Challenge yourself: The secret to living fully as we age, along with 10 things you can try today.

I decided to go climb Black Elk Peak (formerly Harney Peak) in Custer State Park yesterday. It was a chance to celebrate the 39 years that I have been alive. An opportunity to exert some physical energy and be grateful for the health that I possess today. It was also a way to challenge myself.

One of my heroes is Susan Bradley-Cox. I am consistently inspired by her ability to help people achieve goals through the Team in Training program. I have been fortunate to coach alongside her on a couple occasions, as I help the triathletes improve their running. While I am inspired by her coaching, I am even more inspired by her desire to continually challenge herself. When I interviewed her for the Active Lexington podcast, one of the questions that I asked was what she attributed her ability to keep going, as she aged. The answer that stuck out to me was her acknowledgement that continually learning and seeking new challenges was a big factor in going strong long into her 70’s.

When I pulled into Sylvan Lake to start my hike, I anticipated a small crowd. It is after Labor Day, so many students and parents are back in school. What I found was a decent number of cars at the trailhead. My first reaction was, “Don’t worry, it is probably some of the retired folks walking around the lake.”

As I headed up trail #9, I started with a husband and wife couple, but quickly found solitude as they stopped to make equipment changes. In the loneliness of hiking, on a new trail and in a part of the country you don’t know well, I began to become lost in my thoughts. Many of those thoughts were on the environment around me. The wildfires were burning strong, the air was smokey and the sun was partially covered. Small noises off the trail made me consider the possibility of rattle snakes. I had growing anxiety over the stories locals shared of mountain lions (my absolute most feared animal). Thankfully, after an hour, those thoughts started to ease and I began to appreciate the landscape and scenery a little more.

I do not share this story to give every detail of my trip, but who I ended up sharing the adventure with. As I made my way up towards the 7,244 foot peak, the trail became more populated. It appeared that many of those cars at the trailhead had passengers that did make their way up trail #9. They just started earlier in the day and had reached higher ground. What were some defining characteristics of my fellow adventurers? Other than a group of 8th graders from Wisconsin and a young couple carrying two infants, they were individuals in their 50’s, 60’s and 70’s. Most of them were traveling with at least one partner, but many were in small groups of three to five. And from my observation, everyone I saw yesterday was successful in reaching the fire tower at the top of the peak.

Choosing to take a different and hopefully less travelled route back down, I headed down trail #3 towards Little Devils Tower. About half way down, I came across a team of three ladies, most likely in their late 60’s or early 70’s. While I don’t know what they were up to, I’m pretty sure they were looking watch out as each member figured out how to use nature’s facilities.

As I climbed up Little Devils Tower, the trail became less of a trail and more of a rock scramble. At one point, I came to an opening to scramble up, where a lady was standing. I quickly realized she spoke French and didn’t understand English very well. I moved on through the opening and up through several other scrambles that were moderately difficult ad created some anxiety. At the top of the climb, I found the rest of the French party. Each one was moving around the rocks with grace and confidence. Each one could have easily been my elder by 30 years.

Yesterday, I climbed to the top of Black Elk Peak and I was inspired. The inspiration came from a place that I didn’t expect. I expected to be inspired by the scenery and beauty of Custer State Park. That was definitely worth the effort and time. However, the people I met along the journey is what I will take away as inspiration. A large number of people willing to challenge themselves. To do something that allows them to continue living fully.

Ten things you can do challenge yourself today:

1. Start to learn a new language using Duolingo

2. Pick a 5k to sign up and train for

3. Learn (or relearn) how to skip or jump rope

4. Do a set of push ups

5. Find a crossword puzzle, sudoku or log onto luminosity and complete one exercise

6. Learn to do a kettle bell swing

7. Do a set of jumping jacks

8. Find an open space and do some summersaults

9. Go to a climbing wall and pay an instructor to teach you how to climb

10. Go for a walk in nature with no phone, music, wifi or cell service

Knowing is not doing: 4 keys to making sure you are actually making progress.

When you want to make a change in your habits, it is common for people to start researching all the different options to make that change. They will find products that say they can help, they will find experts whose methods are the best and all the activity starts to feel pretty good. The research is movement. The studying is progress. Or, that is how it feels. The reality is that many people never make it past the research phase.

Knowing is not doing.

The question you could be asking is..

How do I actually make the significant change in my life?

That is the right question to ask. The answer that I share with people is that they need to:

  • start today
  • start with something uncomplicated
  • set their first milestones close enough that they can evaluate their progress today
  • make the change so easy that they are guaranteed to succeed

Start today. Planning is not doing.

If you do not start today, when will you start? On Monday, so that you can kick off a fresh week. Next month, when things have settled down and you have more time. After the kids go back to school, when you have the ability to take a little more time for yourself? Those are all good times to start your journey, but they are not today. And today is the best opportunity you have.

There should be no reason that you can not start today. I will remove some of the things you believe are obstacles in the way.

Avoid complexity.

The reason that complex planning should be avoided when you start is because you end up a with plan that a normal person, with a normal lifestyle can not implement. It is much better to start very simple and get positive momentum. As you start to implement the change, you can learn and adjust in real time. Testing small changes and iterating is a management process taken from the software development world and works well when trying to make a personal change.

After you have been working at implementing the change for a short period of time, learn from the experience, adjust the plan and then carry on. The real value is that you will be making decisions based on real data and experience and not on theories and random testimonials of strangers.

It doesn’t take too many cycles before you have a new way of living that seems like it took a lot of hard work and planning. The reality is that it likely did take some hard work, but you spent your effort on creating change and momentum, while many others with the same goal are still planning on the best way to do it.

Create short feedback loops.

When you get started, don’t set your first evaluation period a month away. You need to have tighter feedback loops that enable you to better understand how your behavior is impacting your progress towards success. When you set milestones to far away, it becomes too easy to explain away the lack of progress to all the other things that happened during that period.

I recommend you have daily milestones. Weekly milestones would be the largest acceptable duration, however in those instances it would have to be done with behavioral metrics that do not lend themselves to a shorter duration.

Guarantee your success.

In order to be successful over a long period of time, set yourself up for guaranteed success in the short term. When you find success with your outcome metrics early, you will start to build:

  • Self confidence
  • A new sense of identity
  • Self efficacy
  • Motivation

Changes in all four of those are critical to becoming a healthier and happier person. The truth is that we all have a certain amount of resilience and capacity to self motivate. This capacity is often not sufficient to overcome consistent failure when you begin and finding consistent and recurring sources of external motivation can be difficult.

The better alternative is to create a goal for change that is nearly impossible to fail at. When I share this concept with individuals, I can often be faced with skepticism, because the goal might seem trivial. However, once they’ve steadily and progressively found success at these small changes, they begin to realize that they’ve started to develop a new lifestyle.

If you need one take away message from this article, it would be – start today. Go find the most simple and easy to execute activity you can, and go do it today. Then repeat.

Grandma’s Marathon, Checking the Minnesota box

I made it to Duluth for Grandma’s Marathon yesterday, but to be honest, I was trying to find a reason all week to back out of going. I came up with many reasons. It’s been a long time since I fully trained up for a marathon “properly” (2010 New Orleans being the last), however I often find myself at the start line of races, knowing I need to make some progress towards my 50 States goal.

This often means that I sign up for a small race at the last minute and go get it done. Grandmas was a little different because in a moment of inspiration back in February, I signed up, know that a couple friends would also be going.

I want to thank Tim and Paul for that inspiration this winter, because I wouldn’t have made my way to Duluth if it were not for them. I’ve been wanting to do Grandmas for 15 years and never committed, so I’m happy to have run it. However, I’ll need to go back again so I can experience northern Minnesota for a longer stay. I also got to meet some of Paul’s friends and teammates from the Twin Cities Running Company. When you run a race with others, you almost always have a shared friendship for life.

So.. despite apprehension, I’m very glad I came.

Running the Race.

I knew that my fitness was pretty good, however my total mileage has been lacking. Thus, I wasn’t sure what would happen after 17 or 18 miles. To manage my expectations and control my effort early in the race, I set the following goals for myself:

  1. Make the start line
  2. Finish the race and check off Minnesota
  3. Make my 6th 5k my fastest 5k
  4. Make my 1st 5k my slowest 5k

I thought that if everything went well, I could go under 3:30. If everything went really well, I could run about a 7:45 pace.

The outcome:

I accomplished goals: 1, 2, 3 but I just missed goal 4. Here are those splits:

First 5k: 25:20
Sixth 5k: 22:14
Last 5k: 25:27

I’m happy to report that my first mile was my slowest mile of the day, but my mistake was running mile two a little too quickly. That being said, I did meet my other goals and negative split the marathon, running the second half faster than the first half, despite holding on to a very fine thread the last 4 miles.


While it is really hard to run 3:23 and be “satisfied”, I’m heading home fairly positive about the marathon. It’s probably the best paced marathon I’ve had in a very long time and I pull every ounce of fitness out of my body on the day. But other runners will understand when I say, it’s hard to be happy when you know there’s more out there for you and you are not reaching your potential.

By far the best part of the weekend was hanging out with all the others at the Denny cabin. It’s those opportunities that make being a runner and taking these crazy trips worth it!

Link to Strava:


Who owns my health status? Data collections from today & trends for tomorrow.

When I think about my health status, I am not thinking in the same terms as I would my Facebook status. Although, that wouldn’t be an improper perspective to have. Health status can change on a daily basis, depending on the current virus going around. Or the latest athletic injury I’m trying to make a recovery from. This type of status is ephemeral, just like my Facebook postings – which is often done based upon some thought or feeling I had in the moment.

Now the long-term status of my health is a little different. It does not have as much variation and is fairly constant – until the moment it isn’t. These changes in a health status are often the result of some impact event. A diagnosis of major disease, an accident, an environmental exposure or any of the other multitude of things that could take a fairly steady level of health and abruptly alter it.

Understanding these two different perspectives on our health status: short-term, current status vs. long-term health – I believe that I see two different approaches to answering the question: “Who owns my health status?”

Short-term, current status = I see people that believe they own this.

Long-term health = I see people own it, until they need medical support at which point they are willing to sign over the ownership to others.

The question becomes significantly more complex when you move from behaviors and mind-set, to include the financial implications of your health status. Is the financial responsibility yours, your employers, the insurance company’s, government’s or some general societal ownership?

What happens when your health and health status becomes digitized?

The reality of our health data and status of our well-being being as digitized and as common place as our Facebook status updates is not that far away. Now, don’t mistake what I’m saying. I’m not saying that our health information and evaluations will be like a Facebook status, but we will be as comfortable seeing all of our digital health information as we are seeing our latest activity feed on our personal activity feed.

We will also find that we will have access to all of our data. As easy as it is to login to your social network profile, you will be able to login and see the results of your latest lab tests, the physicians notes, expected follow schedules, weight changes, fitness levels, nutritional influences, etc.

It is at this point that the question regarding, “who owns your health status” that really needs a lot of figuring out. As I continue to think about these things in my own personal life, I know that my default answer is that I want to own these items. I want to be the person responsible for it. Empowering me to seek advice and consultation from those who can best offer it – when needed. I realize that today, we are unaccustomed to being the owner of our medical data and information, so taking over that responsibility will come with a great amount of anxiety from individuals and professionals alike.

Collecting Health Data Today

As a fun discussion starter, I wanted to share what I use today to collect health and fitness data:

Sleep Duration & Quality: Sleep Number bed with Sleep IQ. It provides a score each night, with total sleep, total restful sleep, time awake, average heart rate, average breathing rate.

Exercise Behavior: I use a variety of options, but the devices I rely on for exercise collection are Garmin GPS Watch with heart rate strap (210) and iSmoothRun Iphone App, which are used to primary log running exercise (can use on bike too when that happens). I also use a basic google form daily, which I collect information on current goals, which allows me to collect more general exercise activity.

Activity Data: Fitbit One and Polar Loop. I use both, primary because I haven’t found anything that works better than the Fitbit One, however I like the concept of a wrist worn device. I was intrigued by the idea of the HR capabilities of the Loop initially, however it never really worked well enough to continue trying. (I’m very excited to test the Fitbit Surge to potentially replace all of these devices).

Weight and Body Composition: Withings and Fitbit wifi scales. It might be a sign of the data collection obsessiveness that I use two scales everyday (literally one right after the other), however it’s fun to see how they vary. (Maybe I’ll share that data some day when I can put it all together.)

As you can imagine, one challenge is aggregating the data into a single location that makes it all capable of being used. What I would imagine is that someday, we’ll have several large repositories that exist in the cloud for all of our information – but we’ll be capable of granting access to various apps and services to specific data types, for specific purposes. This would be very similar to how you allow various apps access to your Facebook profile or Gmail contacts.

Trends to pay attention to in the next five years?

To get a vision of how the medical profession will be impacted by this type of digitalization, I recommend you read “The Patient Will See You Now” by Eric Topol, M.D. He envisions an interesting world, in which the individual really does own their own health status. In reading his vision of the future, I felt like he relied a little too much on the mobile phone as the device that enables progress, but that’s understandable because the phone is an easy place to get people thinking about these changes. My counter-point would be: 10 years ago I didn’t know a single person with an iphone, so believing that the phone is the center of the system in another 10 years, seems limiting. (Personally, I’d rather we just get to the point where I can inject a couple hundred cc’s of computer chips and be done with it.)

The biggest trends that he discussed that I find appealing:

– decreased expense and difficulty of many diagnostic medical services
– individualized health and medical services, based upon a data driven methods
– increased sensor capabilities and proliferation
– improved data analysis and predictive capabilities

With the recent news of Under Armour purchasing MyFitnessPal and Endomondo, it’s clear that the athletic clothing company is wanting to continue to move towards the digitized future. If I could have one request for immediate sensor-enabled clothing development, I’d like to see them make a pair of shorts or shirt that would monitor waist and hip circumference. Simply log the circumference each time the piece of clothing is put on. Just do it! (or.. wait, that’s another athletic clothing company).

Whatever the future may bring, it’s exciting to think of the possibilities.

In the movie, The Imitation Game, Alan Turing is at work trying to get “Christopher” to function. He’s connecting the circuits and it is taking so much time and effort. At a tipping point, some of the others working on the problem come in to destroy the machine because they believe that all the time is being wasted. They need Turing’s knowledge to help solve the puzzle manually, with brain power.

I can not possibly see 50 years into the future, I don’t even think that 10 years from today is easily projected. But, I’m guessing that it isn’t that far away from today that we will look back and see that the digitalization of our health status, was about as intuitive and sensible as it was for our social lives. There will be a lot of bumps and anxiety along the way.

Love Moments – Updates for everyone I can’t reach out to.

The are a few things that I can be certain about after the last 28 hours:

1. I have a wonderful wife. There are so many reasons that this is true, but I don’t believe I need to explain this to most of you who will end up reading this post. The best evidence I have is by applying the concept that the types of responses we get from people is often a reflection of who we are.

The past 28 hours have been filled with many people reaching out with thoughts, prayers, flowers, support or just showing up to hold her hand when the pain has been difficult to manage.

That is a reflection of Nikki and her spirit.

2. People matter. Specifically, I am thinking about the people with the right skills and abilities that made a bad day manageable. It could have resulted in a much worse day had someone just made a really bad decision during the process. I think some of my friends and family would say that it was God working through the situation, I’ll share more on that sometime later this weekend.

I know that there could be many people identified for their work yesterday, so I’ll try not to do that as I would leave someone out that should be recognized. I can say that from the Good Samaritans on the trail, the EMT Unit that hiked her out, the staffs at both Central Baptist and UK Hospital and the Emergency Unit that transported her between the two facilities … it has worked out.

We’ve also been fortunate to have friends in both locations that were able to understand how to manage the process. Having people around that know what buttons to push makes a world of difference. This is especially true when I’m lost for words (not often the case).

3. Love the moments. I typically live 3 to 5 years in the future, which makes appreciating moments difficult. It makes recognizing the significance of the moment challenging.

The reason that I’ve come to this thought today – is not because I am worried about the future. The future is bright. This understanding was made very clear yesterday as every thought I had was about the moment. I was not worried about what happens in two months, I wanted to be awake to know that Nikki received the support she needed. The moment mattered. Too often we live in the past or out in the future.

This will sound silly, given the context, but I’ll share anyway. I was walking to get dinner tonight as Nikki’s parents stayed with her. I was walking along the street and I came upon the a lady on her phone. She stopped her conversation, looked at me and said, “I like your jacket”. It made me smile and I said, “Thank you.” It seems like such a trivial thing, but it simply displays the value that words have, the value that kindness has and how we shouldn’t let the simple moments of happiness escape without recognition. She had no idea what the last 28 hours have been like, but with kind words – she created a moment of happiness for me that lasted through dinner.

Now on to the updates:

The first thing that I want to say, to those who are friends and will learn of Nikki’s accident by reading this post. I am sorry. I was worried at first about the word spreading, people posting on Facebook and friends finding out prior to me getting in contact with them. I soon realized that staying ahead of the communication was very stressful and it wouldn’t happen. I wanted to concentrate on being with Nikki, so while I tried to reach out at first – I quickly stopped worrying about it.

We had a friend who learned about the accident and was at Central Baptist ER within a couple minutes of Nikki and I arriving. It is just evidence that messages spread fast. (As a side note: this could be an example one might use to say God was working for us, as this friend “Knew the buttons to push” for us while there).

What happened? Nikki was involved in a mountain bike accident yesterday, which has required some time and treatment to take care of. In every step of the treatment and care, there has been cautious steps. I know very little about acute management of injuries, but as I’ve stated before – it feels like given the range of outcomes, she’s doing well.

I do not want to list out all the details of what has happened, I believe it would also be her wish.

If you feel lead to pray or send positive thoughts, here would be the current needs:

– management of pain : currently she is doing very well, however it has been up and down.

– healing : there are injuries that need healing.

– wisdom : the reality is that recovery/treatment over the next few months is going to require a lot of choices, by us and doctors. It would be great if wisdom was displayed in those decisions.

I am happy when – I am writing

There are many days that I wish I was artistic. I believe that I would be happy if I could play the guitar, but my feeble attempts at learning were ultimately squashed when my younger brother got a guitar and was playing more in 3 hours then I had been able to in 3 years. When I look at people who can draw out emotion in others through painting or design, I am easily impressed because bringing ideas to life through visual creations is something I can not do.

I have wanted to be Donavon Frankenreiter for the past ten years. The idea of having a soulful voice, a spirited and passionate presence that allows me to inspire others, just doing what I love to do. And to be in a place that is not “super star” celebrity, where maybe walking done the street doesn’t require getting stopped by fans or paparazzi when I want some ice cream, or a beer. I believe some of these ideas and thoughts on what a life would be like as an artist are inspired by the documentary, Thicker than Water. I have watched it too many times to count, but it definitely created the illusion that life can be all about living passionately.

Somewhere along the way, most likely at the moment of conception, because I always recall being this way, I developed an analytical mind. It does not carry me through life to a musical soundtrack, it pulls me through the day to day structured in excel rows and evaluation charts. Emotions are generated based upon how “on track” life is. I often worry that I am not analytical enough, I am a faker, an impostor that wants to be logical. I know many others that would shudder at the lack of analytical ability I possess. That is my perception.

The tendency to over think, over analyze and the need to keep the train on a well constructed track which leads to a place that I believe I want to go, does not lend itself well to encouraging artist. I do not think it does anyway, because I have never really known what it means to be an artist, so let’s just say it is not ideal to inspire creativity. The numbers and planning requires a different side of the brain, compared to what it takes to paint a landscape or play a piece of bluegrass on the banjo.

Despite my natural tendency, or maybe because of it, there is always a longing to find ways to be more creative. It just seems like a wonderful way to increase the senses and experience life in general.

For me, this has always been writing. I have wanted to sit down and write something, for as long as I can remember. There is part of me that loves to write because it allows me to express things that I couldn’t in any other way. I believe that I am a good communicator. I know that I enjoy speaking to groups and teaching others. But, I often find myself stuck when it comes to communicating things that involve anything emotionally charged.
There is a general perception of being a man, where I grew up, that expressing emotion is not exactly done publicly. This could be a perception I created myself as I looked at those men I viewed as models of ideal behavior. They worked hard. They fixed things when broken. They competed in business and in sport. They helped teach younger men how to do all these things. They did not sit down and indulge themselves for hours writing a story or poem. If they were painting, it was either to paint a house or done in their spare time, which they didn’t have. They did not cry in public. And the idea seemed to be that emotion was best dampened, so as to never have too many highs or lows. The one exception might be expressing anger, which was ok at times, especially if it involved sports and specifically the Huskers.

This perception I had, made me mostly hide the writing I did. I remember being outside at a young age and not running, but taking a notepad and writing. I do not recall what types of things I wrote, but when I got home I would often throw it in the trash. My personality is one that trends to lots of emotion, with plenty of crying. I learned at a fairly young age, that being emotional on paper was easier to do and much easier to hide.
We had a burn barrel outside our house and it was often a chore of mine to take out the garbage. Once I was old enough, I would also be asked to start the fire. I can not imagine the amount of papers, journals and notes that lay in ashes at the bottom of that barrel. By now, those ashes have probably blown all across the central plains and Sandhills of Nebraska. I guess, in a way, it has allowed me to share all my fears, dreams, sadness and happiness I had as a young person. Those things are best left there then sitting in a basement or closet somewhere.

The first time I learned that writing and communicating through writing had power was my Junior year of high
school. My parents were moving to a new town to keep a business growing. While only a few hours away, as a person getting ready for their senior year of high school, it might as well been across the world. After a period of time, it was a letter I wrote that prompted change. It was a letter to my parents that ultimately gave me the ability to choose for myself what I would do. Initially, I chose to stay and lived with a great family and friend. That summer I decided it was best to move and I spent my senior year, in a new school, trying to make new friends. It was a great decision for my long term development. But, it was that letter that enabled me to go from having no input into the decision, to being given a choice. It was the first experience I had that provided an example that writing could be powerful enough to change other’s decisions and perceptions. To change reality.

It was during my senior year that I was exposed to Dylan Thomas. He was the focus of a project I did for English class. The project probably was not done well and I likely didn’t get a good grade, as by comparison to my new classmates, I was not a great student. Though, I remember reading most of Thomas’ writings that year and somehow related to his message. Most people remember Thomas as the author of “Do not go gentle into that good night”, as it is performed by Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society. I read about his life and saw a young man that struggled with life in general and in so many way, whom died a death too young. It was Dylan Thomas that inspired me to increase the amount of poetry I wrote.

At some point, the art of writing stopped for me. It was less about being creative and more about getting eyeballs. It was less aligned with a desire to be like Donavon Frankenreiter and more of an effort to increase the number of coaching clients I had. It was less expression and more business. It became about numbers.
In a very similar way that I allowed running to be something I did for others, I allowed writing to become less personal and all about production. It was no longer an outlet for creativity. It was no longer a way to put in the daily effort to establish some use of my brain that is not numbers and charts. For the most part, I lost the desire to write.

Over the past year, I have started to find that desire to create again. I first read James Altucher’s book and his implementation of the “daily practice”. He also discusses the need to practice regularly to get any impact and development of your writing. It sounded very similar to what I tell runners. Sometimes the best advice is that you just need to do it and forget the rules, forget the details and just do something. I then read “The War of Art” by Steven Pressfield, with a very similar message. Although he very specifically identifies the writer’s nemesis as “Resistance”.

So I have been following their lead. I know I love to write. I am happy when I’m writing. Therefore on a nearly daily basis (there are days I don’t, but I do have a good daily routine currently) I sit down at my laptop, turn on Scrivener and start typing. There are days I have a purpose.

Then there are other days, such as today that I sit down and write and realize that I’m writing just because it makes me happy.