Let’s Divorce – Working to increase happiness amid this emotional process.

I spend a lot of time thinking about my legacy and what that means. It impacts the way that I approach my utilization of time, what projects I want to work on and who I prioritize spending time with. I would like to think that every decision is run through this legacy filter, but it is more correct to say that it’s a guiding light.

Using this approach to decision making the past couple of years has been interesting for many reasons. One of those reasons being a decision to start a company with a couple partners. The baseline for my decision to join was an alignment in how we were going to approach building a company. There was a product that we wanted push forward, but we also shared a desire to help others take their business ideas and launch them into the marketplace. We knew it would take time to figure it out and were interested in taking multiple shots.

One of the guiding lights in my personal life is to work on projects and start businesses that can help lead individuals to happier and healthier lives. I am most fulfilled when this means helping people reach the edges of their personal performance potential.

I am also committed to the idea that helping people find physical health can establish behaviors that supports their emotional, spiritual and mental health.

All of this is context to share the most recent project that I have been working on. About ten months ago, my team was approached with an opportunity to help create technology that would support people getting a divorce.

Internally I asked, “How can divorce be something that creates happiness or health?” Everything I have ever read about divorce is that it is stressful. In fact, it is often cited as one of the most stressful events in a person’s life, right up there with the death of a loved one and having a child.

A little more context for the story.

In a somewhat cruel twist to the plot, it was also during this time that I was finalizing my own divorce. After several years of knowing my marriage was struggling, two and a half years of therapy and then almost a year of slow progress on getting the paperwork completed, I was becoming a divorcee the same month that this business proposal came.

Through my divorce, one of the observations that I consistently had was that I was a lucky man. During the entire process, my ex wife and I got along quite well. We did not fight over possessions and there were no battles about who was wronged the most. We continued to understand that it was a difficult phase for both of us and worked to make it less painful. I knew that this was rare. Our therapist commented many times that he couldn’t believe how well we treated each other.

To completely understand how surreal it was, when we started talking to recently divorced individuals about their experiences, I asked my ex if she would be willing to be interviewed. She was very unselfish and agreed to meet with my business partner. The day they met happened to be the day we got our decree back from the court that our divorce was final.

Back to the story of the product.

When we sat down and talked about the vision for the product, I started to become more intrigued. The story was not about how we could automate divorce, make divorce easier, or make divorce cheap. The discussions were about how we could make divorces less contentious, less litigious and more cooperative. We began planning out how we could begin making progress in this direction and I started talking to recently divorced individuals.

In these discussions, I learned a lot about the experience that others had gone through. There was a lot of fear regarding what had to be done. This included relationship issues and communication with their spouse during the process. There was a large amount of fear about how to go through the process because information was difficult to find. Then there was the realization that financial statuses were going to be impacted, which included the division of assets along with the cost of attorneys.

When you put all of these fears and anxiety on top of the sadness, stress and broken hearts, it becomes a very difficult time for everyone.

I never talked to anyone who said that they got married with the anticipation that one day they would get divorced. Some shared that they got married and looking back probably should not have (which I guess might seem obvious at this stage), but hindsight is 20-20. The point being that no matter what lead to this place in the individual’s life, regardless of the circumstances, divorce is never easy.

This is the observation that allowed me to become more invested in the online divorce platform, LetsDivorce.us.

If I could find a solution that was able to eliminate divorce, I would work on that today. But when you look at the divorce rates across demographics and throughout the U.S., it’s pretty clear that as long as marriage is around, divorce will be also.  

I accepted that this was the reality. I had to also admit that the amount of lost joy and unhappiness experienced was significant. If there was a way to make divorces better, than I could significantly improve people’s lives. There might also be an opportunity to help couples start working through the process, with the support and guidance they need, which leads them to reconciliation?

How does a better divorce happen? That is what we’ve committed to work on. Today, it is starting with one piece that many of those we interviewed identified as a high stress component. And I’m happy to share that The Johnson Law Group is the first customer who is going to be utilizing the LetsDivorce.us solution to help make divorce better.

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