Last weekend my friend Tyson and I made our way to the Red River Gorge for our first camping trip of the year. I shared a little piece of that story last week in my post about Randomness. The trip was excellent, which has motivated us to spend the week thinking about how to get more camping and hiking in this year.
There was one experience I had that stands out above all the others. I shared that moment on Instagram. I was sitting on Hanson’s point taking in the view. In the moment, I was inspired to get out my Crossroads app and read the daily scripture.
For the majory of life, turning to God and scripture was a place of refuge when thinking through difficult decisions. That changed fairly significantly when I was around 33 years old. Maybe some day I will better understand that change and be comfortable writing about why it happened. At the moment, I have not been able to fully process it.
Despite this fact, I made the decision last fall to attend Crossroads. I started attending with a mindset in search of answers. I have sought guidance from various philosophers, psychologists, neuroscientists, buddhist teachings and self-help books. The realization was that I also wanted to find others who were willing to be open minded and in the process of seeking answers to life’s bigger questions. Crossroads has offered a non-judgmental place to do this.
That is a long story to explain why I had the Crossroads app on my phone. The view from Hanson’s point inspired me to read the scripture of the day. The reading was Proverbs 13.
The words that really stood out to me were from verses 7 and 8.
“One person pretends to be rich, yet has nothing;
another pretends to be poor, yet has great wealth.
8 A person’s riches may ransom their life,
but the poor cannot respond to threatening rebukes.”
This message really grinds at my soul in a couple different ways. If you have read my writings over the past couple years, it may not be surprising that it relates to work and dating.
In the startup world, there is a somewhat unhealty relationship with “funds raised”. While I am not exposed to a lot of startup communities around the US, I have a fairly high exposure to the one in Lexington, Kentucky.
The topic of how to start a business and raising money was also a topic that Thomas and I aligned on in our early days, which ultimately made me comfortable partnering with him.
The position that we have taken is that raising money should be done in very specific situations. The act of ‘closing a round’ should not been seen as a successful outcome itself, but rather a tool that is being used to move forward towards a more admirable goal.
I think Gary Vee said it best when he shared a lesson from his dad that said, ‘When you borrow money, it’s the worst day of your life’.
When I see people celebrating raising funds, I am now going to think about Proverbs 13:7. Celebrating this event, in my mind, is a sign of someone who has nothing, yet pretends to be rich. This may not always be the case, as there are legitimate times for raising capital. However, I rarely have conversations with founders in that position.
In terms of dating, I will simply acknowledge that the desire to put out a perception of having more wealth than exists is incredibly high. The ease to access capital for consumer purchases is a little unnerving for me at times. This access has been tempting in several situations the past two years, as I’ve worked to become ‘fully free’.
My personal definition of being free is:
- zero financial obligations to anyone else
- ability to work on projects that I’m excited to work on (always thinking about impact and legacy)
- have control over my time (no requirements of a 9 to 5)
I believe I am 80% of the way to this goal. I am still working to get to where I can be very choosy on the projects I decide to work on. I know deep in my gut, that if I succumbed to the desires to access cheap money and “pretend to be rich”, I’d push this progress down to nearly zero.
As verse 8 says:
“A person’s riches may ransom their life”.
My current interpretation of the verse is that if riches is what you value, then there are many things in life you say you value, but will end up forfeiting in favor of those “riches”. I am probably taking that verse completely out of context?
This is where the lyrics from the song Suit and Jacket from Judah and the Lion comes in:
“Cause everybody I know, everybody I know Is growing old,
is growing old too quickly
And I don’t wanna go
So how am I supposed to slow it down so I can figure out who I am?
And I ain’t trading my dreams for no 401k
And I ain’t giving this fire for a cold, cold heart
So don’t say I’m getting colder
Cause I’ll say it when I do”
As I turn 40 this year, I have spent a lot of time thinking about the expectations I have had for my life. I expect a lot out of myself. When I moved to Kentucky, at 23 years old, I had ideas of what 30, 35 and 40 would look like.
The two lines from the song that I hear myself thinking about daily are:
“So how am I supposed to slow it down so I can figure out who I am?
And I ain’t trading my dreams for no 401k “
If my definition of having freedom is having the ability to pursue projects and work that I want to be a part of my legacy and that creates impact, then I can look back on the past 17 years with a great sense of accomplishment. I have been fortunate to have had different opportunities to direct energy into my personal mission statements. This has been true in different settings with various co-workers, multiple business partners and individually.
However, it comes at the “expesnse” of not having 401ks, pensions, guaranteed paychecks or at times health insurance. The instability of this lifestyle is one that any entreprenuer understands, but many people find undesirable or even foolish.
There is no doubt I spend my days chasing “success”. That success is in terms of personal impact, but also financial gain.
The world in which we live makes money a clear way of keeping score, making it difficult to not be tied to it in some way.
This entire post can be distilled down into this question, which I ask myself some version of often:
“How can I be successful and create impact, all the while remain free from getting caught up in easy attempts at appearing ‘rich’?”
When I cross check that desire with the expectations I had for myself, I get discouraged.
A friend told me this week,
“If you are going to trust God for the process, then you also have to trust him on the outcome.”
To be completely real, I am not at a place I trust God with the process. I am definitely not ready to trust him for the outcomes.
What I do know is that we started a conversation on Hanson’ Point last Saturday. He apparently had a lot to say. At the moment, I am trying to be a good listener. We will see where things go from here.